Discovering new places in the city I’ve always known

Brooklyn

Friends

Income

People

Proximity to home/family

New friends

NE weather

First job I want more than I need (but I still need)

Adventures

The next chapter

Ignore the reflectors

and avoid the refractions.

Fear not the darkness

Seek those more luminous

and learn

how to

shine brighter.

I found out about Sober February from Circus alumnus, Matt Moore, with about a week left in January. The idea appealed to me because it was a challenge. Not that I’m a raging alcoholic, but I probably haven’t gone a full month off the sauce since I started drinking, when I was in high school. That makes it sound worse, but it’s the truth. This was my first sober month in eight years.

Throughout my month of abstinence, I was constantly asked why I was doing it. A lot of my friends couldn’t understand why I would forego the frothy brew for 30 days. And I can’t blame them. There wasn’t much to understand. It was just something I wanted to do, so I did. It’s like when I decided to be a pseudo-vegetarian for six months when I was in college.  (I still ate fish.) There was no reasoning behind it other than the fact that I just wanted to try. I wanted to see if I could. It was something I had never done before.

The month of sobriety wasn’t difficult. There were difficult moments, like when I would go to Taqueria del Sol and I’d have to say, “No, I would not like one of your delicious margaritas with a salted rim.” But that longing feeling for the Mexican concoction only lasted for a few minutes. Sometimes I would get intense cravings for specific drinks. One time it was for a Bloody Mary, another time it was for a Long Island Iced Tea (I guess I missed being drunk that time, who knows). I was surprised at how little I actually craved beer. It wasn’t until the last few days of the month when I started having that, “Man, I sure could go for a cold one right now” feeling. I think that was just because it was starting to get nice outside. And because I could actually see the finish line.

I held out, though. I didn’t sip a drop of anything I’d have to show ID for, not even Nyquil. Lord (and one of my teams) know I had a beer in my hand on Monday at midnight. As soon as it was March, I was opening a Sweetwater IPA. It was good, but it wasn’t the best beer I’ve ever had.

At best, they are a weird, real life version of a Woody Allen joke. But that’s not the point.

Last quarter (a unit of time denoting 3-4 months, based on my current school schedule), I started having pain on the left side of my torso. It started south of my nipple and wrapped around my ribcage to my back. But it wasn’t in my chest. It was on my skin. It didn’t hurt all the time; it only bothered me when my shirt would brush against it. Or when I was in bed and the sheet or blanket did the same thing.

I didn’t know what it was, but since it wasn’t constantly bothering me, I didn’t worry about it. It was approaching the end of the quarter and my workload was increasing with an inversely proportional effect on my sleep. I didn’t have time to go to the doctor. Especially not for a possible lame diagnosis, “It’s probably nothing, just try to get some rest and give me a call next week if it hasn’t gotten better.” So I kept it to myself, for the most part. The only person I told was my girlfriend. She was more concerned than I was and she insisted I get it checked out. I didn’t.

I hoped it would go away if I left it alone. It didn’t.

At the time, “The Walking Dead” was in its season debut and probably the best show on TV. I say it was the best because it was the only one I was watching at the time. If you’ve never seen it before, the show is about one man’s search for his family in a world taken over by flesh eating zombies and it takes place in Atlanta. Naturally, I started referring to my new condition as my “zombie bite.” This didn’t comfort my girlfriend.

When I realized the problem wasn’t going away, I looked up the symptoms online. I visited good ol’ Dr. WebMD and listened to its visitors. What I found wasn’t comforting, but it wasn’t alarming. Other people had had the same symptoms, and some in the same place on their bodies. They described it as a sunburn minus the warmth. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it made sense. Most of them were never diagnosed with anything, if they had gone to see a doctor. But there were a few positive notes.

Some said it was stress-induced and that the condition went away on its own when they were more stress-free. I still had a week and a half until the end of my quarter and panel review so I knew that I’d have to stick it out until then if I wanted to see if this internet diagnosis was correct. It was getting worse or staying the same on a daily basis but I thought I could stick it out. And I did.

I remember the weird pain reminding me it was still there every time I put on a shirt or turned in the middle of the night. Sometimes the seatbelt chimed in too. It was weird being hurt by such soft materials. It was even weirder being hurt by fabric and the like when I was in public, and trying not to let it show. It was all around weird.

I made it through panel and I remember still having it the next day when I flew back home to NJ. But as I bummed around at my parents’ house and slept in for a week, I forgot about the pain. It went away on its own, without a sign it was ever there. It wasn’t until days later that I realized it had gone away.

Now I’m half way through week six of 10 in my current quarter. I’m almost anxious to see if and when it comes back.

In my continued learning/schooling, I’ve lost sight of what I need to be doing to continue my education. I’d have a quick “No shit,” retort if were told that I need to be reading and writing more. I know I need to. Everyday. For always. But it’s tough to find time to just sit down and ramble for self-gratification when I’m pinballing from meeting to meeting, with the occasional class in my way. And the pressure of looming deadlines. More specifically, the deadline: graduation.

It’s a fucked up, headache-inducing, theory built on excuses. I don’t have time to write because I’m too busy concepting and trying to become a copywriter. Screw that noise. I thought Tumblr would be easier, and it is. But it’s more of a social platform for media sharing than a medium for writing.

So this is it. I am back on WordPress. I am writing for myself again. I’ll still be on tumblr– stalking, following, and resposting the best shit I can find on the web.

Over & out.

1. Tumblr allows for easier sharing/reblogging content that is AND is not my own.

2. Tumblr has more of a community feel. I follow friends and some of those who feel really bad for me follow me in return.

3. I haven’t been genuinely blogging to write lately.

If you need to reach me, you know where I’ll be.

I spent a couple hours of my Friday afternoon making Cheeseburger Cupcakes. I first read about them on The Daily What last year. Since then I’ve been trying to find a girl to bake them for me. After no such luck, I decided to make them myself. Here’s a few pics from the adventure.

Click to embiggen

5 States. 36 hours. 1121 miles.

(A. Atlanta, GA

B. Thomson, GA

C. Columbia, SC

D. Charlotte, NC

E. Ashville, NC

F. Knoxville, TN

G. Chattanooga, TN

H. Nashville, TN

I. Athens, AL

J. Gardendale, AL

K. Lithia Springs, GA

L. Atlanta, GA)

Now I just need to figure out what I’m going to do with it.

Day 2: Trending Topic